My Dog Teaches
... Political Correctness
How I enjoy a dogs life! No need to worry about many of the things that
bother my master. Little things like political correctness.
Apparently, humans have to be careful about how they greet
each other at this time of year. Should they say Merry Christmas? Happy
Holidays? What do they say to their friends and co-workers from other
cultures? Would these people be offended by such a greeting? Is it too
pretentious to say Happy Hanukkah to their Jewish friends? Are they sure
they even are Jewish? What about other religions? Perhaps it would be better
to play it safe and say nothing at all. But then they risk being thought of
as rude. You see their dilemma.
Us dogs don't have the same considerations. We just approach
one another and sniff no political correctness there. Especially as we don't
even bother with niceties and just zero in on the private parts.
How about exchanging gifts? Why do our masters agonize so
much over the idea? They worry about whom they should buy for. How much
should they spend? Spend too little and they may be considered cheap or
uncaring; spend too much and they run the risk that the recipients will
consider themselves obligated to the giver. Would the gift be appropriate?
Would giving any gift at all be appropriate? Would someone be offended if
they were left out? Would someone be offended if they were included? Its all
My canine friends and I have no problem accepting gifts of
any kind especially those nice tasty ones. And if we see another dog with a
bone or a toy we like, well lets just say we really have no need to worry
Humans have even started worrying about trees. Not that the
trees are dangerous in themselves, but apparently other people can object to
their presence in certain situations. Is a Christmas tree appropriate in
schools? How about in the workplace or public spaces? Does it offend those
of other religions and cultures? And with environmentalists seemingly
lurking behind every tree trunk, isn't chopping down trees for so frivolous
a reason so evil?
For us, a tree is just a place to deliver and receive
pee-mail. Tinsel and lights don't have any special significance unless they
can be given a scent. It makes life much simpler.
And what about Santa Claus? Is he just a benevolent jolly
old soul or a subversive religious icon? Would overweight people be offended
by the stereotype? And by giving toys only to good little girls and boys,
doesn't he discriminate against all those who become involved in
inappropriate behavior because they are socially disadvantaged? And that
laugh so politically incorrect that humans dare not give mention to it lest
they offend women everywhere.
Look, as far as my dog friends and I are concerned, as long
as Santa continues to give us treats, we could care less about the other
stuff. And no matter what kind of person he is, were not going to feel
guilty about eating the cookies and milk the children leave out for him on
can't even stop worrying when they're asleep. If they dream of a white
Christmas, doesn't that make them racist? Shouldn't those dreams have died
years ago as they became more racially integrated and sensitive to each
others ethnic backgrounds? And don't get humans started on Frosty the
Snowman. The very name sounds like he could be a drug dealer; why would they
let anyone with a name like that anywhere near their children?
For me, I just love to run and play in the snow. Because its
laying around everywhere, its also very useful when I get thirsty (I just
make sure I don't eat the yellow stuff the only time color does matter).
So: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays to
all my human friends. Now, Ill turn it over to my master to end off.
MY MASTERS VOICE:
Merry Christmas to all! [No, possibly
offensive to some.]
Happy Holidays, everyone! [Oops, some people
may have to work and could feel slighted.]
[Bah, humbug!] Woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof!
articles by David McKague: