Ah! How I enjoy a dogs life! No need to worry about many of the things that bother my master. Little things like political correctness.

Apparently, humans have to be careful about how they greet each other at this time of year. Should they say Merry Christmas? Happy Holidays? What do they say to their friends and co-workers from other cultures? Would these people be offended by such a greeting? Is it too pretentious to say Happy Hanukkah to their Jewish friends? Are they sure they even are Jewish? What about other religions? Perhaps it would be better to play it safe and say nothing at all. But then they risk being thought of as rude. You see their dilemma.

Us dogs don't have the same considerations. We just approach one another and sniff no political correctness there. Especially as we don't even bother with niceties and just zero in on the private parts.

How about exchanging gifts? Why do our masters agonize so much over the idea? They worry about whom they should buy for. How much should they spend? Spend too little and they may be considered cheap or uncaring; spend too much and they run the risk that the recipients will consider themselves obligated to the giver. Would the gift be appropriate? Would giving any gift at all be appropriate? Would someone be offended if they were left out? Would someone be offended if they were included? Its all very complicated.

My canine friends and I have no problem accepting gifts of any kind especially those nice tasty ones. And if we see another dog with a bone or a toy we like, well lets just say we really have no need to worry about gifts.

Humans have even started worrying about trees. Not that the trees are dangerous in themselves, but apparently other people can object to their presence in certain situations. Is a Christmas tree appropriate in schools? How about in the workplace or public spaces? Does it offend those of other religions and cultures? And with environmentalists seemingly lurking behind every tree trunk, isn't chopping down trees for so frivolous a reason so evil?

For us, a tree is just a place to deliver and receive pee-mail. Tinsel and lights don't have any special significance unless they can be given a scent. It makes life much simpler.

And what about Santa Claus? Is he just a benevolent jolly old soul or a subversive religious icon? Would overweight people be offended by the stereotype? And by giving toys only to good little girls and boys, doesn't he discriminate against all those who become involved in inappropriate behavior because they are socially disadvantaged? And that laugh so politically incorrect that humans dare not give mention to it lest they offend women everywhere.

Look, as far as my dog friends and I are concerned, as long as Santa continues to give us treats, we could care less about the other stuff. And no matter what kind of person he is, were not going to feel guilty about eating the cookies and milk the children leave out for him on Christmas Eve.

Humans can't even stop worrying when they're asleep. If they dream of a white Christmas, doesn't that make them racist? Shouldn't those dreams have died years ago as they became more racially integrated and sensitive to each others ethnic backgrounds? And don't get humans started on Frosty the Snowman. The very name sounds like he could be a drug dealer; why would they let anyone with a name like that anywhere near their children?

For me, I just love to run and play in the snow. Because its laying around everywhere, its also very useful when I get thirsty (I just make sure I don't eat the yellow stuff the only time color does matter).

So: Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Holidays to all my human friends. Now, Ill turn it over to my master to end off.

MY MASTERS VOICE:

Merry Christmas to all!   [No, possibly offensive to some.]

Happy Holidays, everyone!   [Oops, some people may have to work and could feel slighted.]

[Bah, humbug!] Woof, woof! Woof, woof, woof!