The Royal’s motto is "Once a year, country comes to the city," which is not quite accurate. If Torontonians want a taste of country, they can go to the Islands or to one of the many parks and ravines found throughout the city. There they may even met up with some coyotes. Now that’s country!

Maybe they should change the motto to "Once a year, agriculture comes to the city," or whatever. In any event the Royal is a chance to see what sits on our dinner plates or in much of our clothes closets in a way that is up close, personal, and very much alive.

There were the usual giant vegetables, such as the humungous pumpkins featured every year. These will no doubt delight children for a few minutes at least. But I can’t say they did much for either me or my camera-carrying companion. After you have seen a few dozen newspaper pictures of these items over the years, they lose their fascination. Besides, you can’t pet a pumpkin. OK, you can pet a pumpkin, but you can’t expect any kind of response.

What does happen to these veggies after their fifteen minutes of fame? Can one actually eat them? Or have their innards developed the texture of sawdust? Something I’ll ask about next year.

One of the best ways to learn stuff, beyond just browsing around and picking up pamphlets, is to take in some of the talks at the Education Arena. They’re often lively, and corny, and of course there are no exams.

After perusing the pumpkins we came in near the end of a talk about poultry featuring one adult speaker and a child in a space suit. Once upon a time a person could visit all poultry farms they wanted to without worry. No longer! Now only the farm family and their employees get to wear their own clothes while attending to the chickens. Bird flu and other problems now require anyone else who wants to fly through the henhouse to dress up as a landlocked astronaut. Chicken Little was right. The sky is falling, at least as far as chicken-based tourism goes.

The day we attended the fair was one of sheep judging. Pen after pen featured all kinds of sheep, many sheared and washed and wearing cotton smocks (potential beauty queens must be kept pristine). After all, many have had their white wool bleached and their darker patches touched up with Lady Clairol Midnight Black. In the ring they demonstrated sheep shearing. We also learned that sheep only have teeth on the upper jaw. A few fall out, and a few more grow in, a process that goes on continuously in the life of the animal until it is about ten years old. Then the new ones stop coming in and it becomes unable to graze. Of course it can still eat those funny grey pellets that are featured in the Petting Zoo food dispensers. But they are probably too expensive, considering how low the price of wool is. The decade-old sheep is soon shipped off to the slaughterhouse.

Now, a sheep that old doesn’t turn into lamb chops, but mutton. Mutton? Have you seen mutton in your grocery store freezer lately? Have you every seen it advertised in the weekly flyer? All the sheep meat has to go somewhere. And that’s a question for next year’s visit. Also, if a sheep doesn’t have teeth on its lower jaw, what does it have? Tune in for this in 2006.

When one thinks of Canadian farm animals, one doesn’t usually think of reindeer. But they are an up-and-coming phenomenon. Not so much for meat as for tourism.

I always thought caribou and reindeer were two names for the same species, one in North America and the other in Scandinavia. They probably were way back when the continents were all one. Since the land masses separated, the caribou remained migratory animals hunted by the Inuit, while the reindeer became more stationary herded by the Sami (formerly known as Laplanders). Apparently reindeer were domesticated a long time ago, even before the horse. But of course you can’t ride a reindeer. Neither can these rather small creatures pull much of a sleigh (Sorry, Santa). But reindeer milk is apparently quite drinkable.

Our reindeer enthusiast describes them as smart, gentle, and very affectionate. They don’t require much space and make great pets. She calls these quiet creatures the couch potatoes of the animal world. When I asked one of the reindeer breeders if they could be housetrained, he was taken aback. My guess is that we won’t be seeing too many reindeer running in the park with the condo dogs any time soon.

Both male and female reindeer grow antlers, which they shed annually although at different times of the year. The antlers are covered with a soft, hairy coating called velvet, which contains medicinal properties useful for treating arthritis in both humans and dogs. I’ll be checking this claim out with my doctor and my vet before my next report.

At the Petting Zoo

One of the highlights of the fair for kids of all ages is the Petting Zoo, where one can pet and feed hungry and not-so-hungry sheep, goats, llamas, and donkeys. There was one horse this year, but no zebra. It’s great for city people starved for animal contact. And it’s fascinating to observe how gently the creatures take the food. Instinctively the horse, a relatively large animal, uses its lips, not its teeth, to pick up the tiny food pellets. Of course, any cranky or nippy individuals would be excluded from this zoo.

We had hoped to catch the Eukanuba Superdogs show. But when we approached their compound, the sound was deafening. I have seen this show before, and the showman’s patter is rather loud and cheesy. But does it have to be at such a high volume? Surely that can’t be good for the health of the dogs, whose hearing is much more sensitive than ours, or their human handlers. We will definitely go to the show next year, but we’re both bringing industrial strength ear protection with us, and so should you.

For many people the main focus of the fair is the Horse Show, for which one has to pay and extra fee. But one can still get an equine fix in the general-admission area. One arena featured a man making horseshoes. But he was so far away, all one could really see was an arm going up and down. Better to put this display in a booth where people could get closer and really take in the process. Then there were the bucking bronco machines. Too scary by half for me this year, but maybe by next fall I will get enough courage to take them on and live to tell you about it.

With all those animals, sawdust, and straw, the air was understandably full of allergens. It might be advisable for those with asthma or other such problems to wear a mask. Perhaps the fair itself could supply some official ones suitably decorated so that people are not panicked by thoughts of SARS or avian flu.

One final suggestion: There needs to be improvement in the signage. The doorways to each area should show in detail what lies inside, with further signs pointing out the direction of other major attractions. The handout map was too small to show sufficient detail and was not of much use.

Nevertheless, a good time is usually had by all. If you run into something annoying, something delightful will be around the next corner.